Monday, August 31, 2009

Hymn writing, take two

If I thought the second attempt would be easier than the first, I was wrong. I'm not exactly as comfortable with this one, but I'm going to post it in hopes that I can get some help with it.

This was going to be a pro-life hymn in response to the death of Senator Ted Kennedy, making the connection between John in the womb and the life of the pre-born. As sometimes happens when I intend to write something, the hymn went in another direction than what I'd planned. If any of you can help the hymn run more smoothly or help me bring it back in that pro-life direction, I'd appreciate it. Or if you feel you must tell me it's awful and to go back to my day job, don't be afraid to be blunt.

The Highly Favored Mary Went

1. The highly favored Mary went,
Her pregnant joy to share.
Elizabeth, herself with child,
Received her sister there.

2. Elizabeth heard Mary's word
Of greeting in her ear,
And in her womb her own babe leapt
To know his Lord was near.

3. Though not yet born, John still rejoiced,
For now his task began--
"Prepare His way," would be his work.
"He comes, redeeming man."

4. The Spirit filled Elizabeth
And loudly she exclaimed,
"Mother of God, how blest are you!
Your fruit by all acclaimed."

5. How blest are they who hear God's Word
Of promise and believe,
For all who hear that Word in faith
Its blessings shall receive.

(c) Alan Kornacki, Jr.
Common Meter (86 86)
Suggested Tune: St. Anne (LSB 733)

1 comment:

Elephantschild said...

I'm impressed. Writing metered verse is hard, hard work.

The only thing I'd change (and it's really only a small thing)is the line "... would be his work." I'd change it to "...would be his cry."

At first read, seeing "his work" before the phrase, "He comes, redeeming man" was confusing, although not so much so as to be unclear. "Cry" also echoes the verses about John: a voice, crying in the wilderness. And, you mentioned John's task beginning in just the phrase before.

Maybe the pro life bent can be brought out more strongly with one additional verse, following verse 2. I'll think about that, and pass along any ideas.