PARODY: Once Upon a Midnight Dreary

One of my favorite hymns is "Of the Father's Love Begotten," an eleventh century hymn celebrating the Incarnation and Nativity of Our Lord. It also happens to be the conference hymn for this year's "From Above" Higher Things Conferences. Pastor Buetow, one of the HT bigwigs, is also a neighbor of mine, in a manner of speaking, and we get together most weeks to study the pericope for the coming Sunday in the Greek. Before our study this week, he planted an idea in my head: a parody of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven," with its famous line, "Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'" Earlier this week on Facebook I posted a single verse parody:

"Once upon a midnight dreary-"
Thus wrote Edgar Allan Poe.
'Tis the story of the Raven
Who once did a-tapping go.
Perched he did within my chamber,
And he muttered, muttered slow,

"Nevermore--" just "Nevermore."

However, as OCD as I tend to be, I couldn't leave it done halfway. So today I finished a parody of the whole poem. Here it is.

PARODY: Once Upon a Midnight Dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary

Sought I quaint, forgotten lore,

And while pond’ring, weak and weary,

I heard tapping at my door.

And I thought perhaps it could be

Just a random visitor—

            Only that and nothing more.

How distinctly I remember,

Like a ghost upon the floor

Shone the glowing of each ember,

And I thought of lost Lenore.

But my books could not distract me

From that radiant maid of yore—

            Nameless now forevermore.

Lo, the rustling, purple curtains

Brought me fear like ne’er before,

Yet I stood repeating, certain,

“Tis some late night visitor.”
Yet those words stilled not the beating

Of my heart, yet still I swore,

“Tis a guest and nothing more.”

Thinking thus, my soul grew stronger.

“Your forgiveness I implore,”

Said I to the stranger rapping,

Rapping gently on my door.

“Scarcely could I hear your tapping.”

Here I opened wide the door.

            Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering,

Dreaming doubts like ne’er before,

Long I stood there wond’ring, fearing,

Ere I fin’lly gasped, “Lenore?”

Whispered once and then repeating,

Merely this and nothing more—

            Just one single word: “Lenore!”

Back into the chamber turning—

This time it was not the door!

All my soul within me burning

As, much louder than before,

Heard I tapping from the window.

Here’s a myst’ry to explore.

            “Tis the wind and nothing more.”

Open here I threw the shutter,

And a Raven inward tore,

Causing curtains, hearts to flutter

As he perched above the door.

Not a bow or bob he gave me,

This most stately bird of yore.

            Perched he sat and nothing more.

Then the great black bird beguiling

By the stern, grave face he wore,

My sad fancy into smiling.

“Raven from the nightly shore,

To what name should I be calling

As you perch above my door?”

            Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”

Strange to hear this discourse plainly,

Though the speech no reason bore,

From this Raven most ungainly

Who did perch above my door.

What an odd and ugly naming

This poor, guesting Raven bore—

            Such a name as “Nevermore.”

But the Raven sitting only

Did that single word outpour

From that perch most placid, lonely,

There above the chamber door,

Til I scarcely more than muttered,

“You will fly as all before.”

            Then the bird said, “Nevermore.”

This reply, so aptly spoken,

Seemed its only stock and store.

Startled by the stillness broken,

I considered, sad and sore.

Such a song, a hopeless burden,

Was the sad, sad dirge he bore—

            Only “Never—Nevermore.”

Still, that Raven most beguiling,

As I turned to face the door,

Brought me once again to smiling

As I thought these matters o’er.

What could be this Raven’s meaning—

This most ghastly bird of yore—

            Mean in croaking, “Nevermore”?

Though no word I was expressing

As I sat, consid’ring more,

I sat thus engaged in guessing,

His eyes burning to my core.

On the cushion’s velvet lining

Sat I, where my fair Lenore

Shall not sit forevermore.

Then, methought, the air grew denser,

As if Seraphs on the floor

Swung an unseen, perfumed censer,

Wafting mem’ries of Lenore.

“Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe

And forget the lost Lenore!”

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet,” said I, “thing of evil,

Tempter sent or tossed ashore—

Desolate, yet all undaunted,

Tell me truly, I implore:

Is there any balm or comfort?

Is there comfort heretofore?”

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet,” said I, “thing of evil,

By the heav’ns that bendeth o’er—

Prophet, still, if bird or devil,

Tell this soul with burden sore,

If, within the distant Aidenn

Rests the angel, blest Lenore.”

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”

“Be that word our sign of parting.

Say it not forevermore.”

Thus I said unto the Raven.

“Seek ye out some distant shore.

Haunt my heart and soul no longer.

Quit the bust above my door!”

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”

And the Raven, never flitting

From his perch, which I deplore,

Still resides—he still is sitting

On the bust above my door.

And the shadow on my spirit

From his shadow on the floor

Shall be lifted—nevermore!

On the Radio (whoa)

On Monday afternoon, Jeff Schwarz, the producer from Issues, Etc., sent me an e-mail to ask if I'd be interested in appearing on the show. This is not the first time he's asked, and I've been on the show before. But last time I was part of a roundtable discussion on the Fifth Commandment (right click to save and listen). This time I'd be on my own, and I'd be discussing a topic about which I'd written an article for Higher Things Magazine but am no expert: Christian stewardship concerning the environment. Neither factor was particularly encouraging, but Jeff is quite persistent. So I agreed.

Though I was quite nervous--I started shaking a half-hour before and didn't stop until about an hour after--I enjoyed myself. Pastor Todd Wilken, the host, is experienced in leading his guests fairly gently, and Jeff edits segments after the fact so that guests like me son't sound too much like an idiot. I had a bunch of resources in front of me--printed passages from the Bible and Catechism, a copy of my article, and a few other useful notes and facts--so I could fall back on notes if my mind blanked. All in all, it's one of the few things I've done outside of my comfort zone that I've really enjoyed.

If you'd like to listen, right-click this link to save the audio to your computer: http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/issuesetc.org/podcast/931012312H1S1.mp3

The Exile In Print

Once again the editors of Higher Things Magazine have demonstrated poor judgment and questionable taste by publishing in their fine magazine an article I wrote. I received my print copy in the mail this weekend, and even knowing the article would be in there, it still gave me a jolt of pleasure to see something I wrote in print. It always does--always being twice so far.

It's funny--not really 'funny ha-ha' or 'funny strange', maybe more like 'funny amazing'--how life works sometimes. I've been writing for pleasure (in other words, for purposes other than schoolwork or as part of my employment) since I was probably fourteen years old. I'd show what I wrote to a few trusted people, but that was it. And after taking a lot of guff while I was in high school from people I trusted about a writing project I had undertaken--I started to write a young adult novel when I was barely a young adult myself--I stopped even showing it to trusted people for a while. I kept writing, but I never thought it was worth anything. I've still got most of those old writings in a file, though I threw out that YA novel start, sadly. But I never really did anything with them.

It wasn't until I was in my junior year of college that I actually submitted something for attempted publication, and that was for the fledgling college newspaper at Concordia College in Bronxville, New York. By the time it was in print, it had been edited so much that I barely recognized it as mine. I didn't submit anything again until I was in my late twenties, and that was the first time I was published in Higher Things Magazine: an article about online relationships.

There is a point in all this, and I swear that I'm getting there.

Once I started blogging, it got easier to attempt to increase the amount of people who read what I wrote. All I had to do was e-mail the web address of my blog to people I hoped would read what I wrote. And now that I've started writing hymns, I've been able to use this gift which God has given me to give glory to Him, not only in my vocation as pastor, but even through something I consider a hobby.

So what's the moral of this story? The point of me saying all this is that I hope that, if you're someone who has something to say, don't be afraid to share it. I lived in fear for much too much of my life. There are things that I could have or should have said, but I left them unsaid because I was afraid of what people might think. Don't be afraid to try. I will never receive as many notices that my work has been published as I have received rejection letters, but that's okay. What I wrote won't always be received as I would hope, but it's not going to stop me from writing. I'm about to begin writing my second novel now, even though I've not fully finished editing the first. God has given me a gift, and I intend to use it as much as possible to the best of my ability. Don't be afraid to do the same. Enjoy what you do, and don't let the critics get you down. Write, paint, compose, or do whatever it is you do for the glory of God and for the sake of your own joy. Even if no one else appreciates it, at least you've found joy in what God has given you.

By the way, if you're not a subscriber to Higher Things Magazine, WHY NOT?!?!? Click here and get started!

Higher Things 2011: Coram Deo

Something tells me that this blog post won't win Todd Wilken's approval for brevity. My apologies.

I've worked with young people for a long time now.  It's been twenty years, in fact, which is well over half of my life. In that time I've seen trends and fads, facts and figures, gadgets and gimmicks, both in the secular and ecclesiastical realms. 

I don't think I ever posted my critique on this blog, but I am a survivor of the Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod's 2004 National Youth Gathering (and I do mean "survivor", as it was a nightmare of the worst trends in post-modern evangelical Christianity). There was not much about that event that I would consider Lutheran. There was not much I would even consider inherently Christian. The oozing emotionalism, the specially-produced liturgies, the contemporary Christian music, the Bible study that began with the pastor fanning his softcover gathering Bible while holding it up to his ear and asking if we could "hear the Spirit moving", the sermon preached by the wife of the former Synodical president—these things did not lend themselves to the edification of the soul.

This past week I took kids from my youth group to the Higher Things conference in Bloomington, Illinois. To my great delight, the conference was refreshingly lacking in fads, gimmicks, and the command to "Shout if you love Jeeeeeeeezus!" I was impressed all around with the commitment of Higher Things to traditional Lutheran theology and worship, a commitment demonstrated amply in the 10 different organized services and the numerous plenary and breakaway presentations. I'm going to list, point by point, the things I liked and disliked about the conference, and there's very little you can do to stop me.

WHAT I LIKED

Let's start with all things liturgical. Coram Deo began and ended with the Divine Service. Not only did the conference begin with the Divine Service, but it was a setting taken straight from the hymnal (LSB Setting 1, if you must know), rather than the scattered moonings of some "master liturgist". The confession of sins was an actual confession, where we confess that we are sinners in thought, word and deed, and we received the full forgiveness of our sins; we did not make a confession of sins that doesn't really confess sins, nor did we hear an absolution that doesn't really absolve the sinner of anything. The creed was the Creed taken straight from the hymnal, not some bastardized version of the creed that confesses that Jesus loves us the way the sun loves a flower. No one's wife got up in the middle of the service to preach a sermon in the middle of another sermon. No one's daughter got up to entice the young men in attendance to love Jesus just a little more through the gyrations of her scantily-clad body. The sermons were Lutheran sermons—no "moral of the story", no patronizing the youth. We prayed four times each day: Matins, Vespers, Evening Prayer, and Prayer at the Close of the Day (a shortened version of Compline). This was counter-cultural worship, the kind of things that today's youth aren't supposed to enjoy; and yet many of the kids I talked to described the worship as their favorite part of the conference. And the hymnody?  Well, let's give the hymnody its own section.

And why don't we do that now. Ah, the hymns. The conference hymn was "God's Own Child, I Gladly Say It", which went nicely with the conference theme, which was Coram Deo. I'll talk more about the conference theme in a moment. The hymns were actual hymns, and, with one exception, I was pleased with their selections. We sang the conference hymn at almost every service. We sang the greats like "Thy Strong Word", "At the Lamb's High Feast We Sing", "For all the Saints", and numerous others. We sang all the verses of each hymn. Nowhere were we called upon to wave our hands to heaven as we repeated nonsense phrases. Nowhere were we called upon to emote about what we've done for Jesus.

The conference theme was Coram Deo, a Latin phrase which means "before God" or "in the face of God". Where do you stand before God? As a sinner, that is a horrible question to have to answer. In the way of the Law, you stand before God as a sinner, worthy only of condemnation. But through Baptism, this is no longer a horrifying question to answer, because you stand before God as His redeemed child. You stand before God wearing the white robe of Christ's righteousness, and He sees Christ's righteousness and pronounces you "not guilty". Again, the substance was counter-cultural, raising the bar, asking the kids to think rather than to feel. The plenary speakers, Pastor William Cwirla and Pastor Brent Kuhlman, took the kids into the topic intensively. Pastor Cwirla took the kids through Romans, while Pastor Kuhlman took the kids through the Catechism, both of them showing the kids where they stood Coram Deo—and Pastor Cwirla adding the extra emphasis of Coram Hominibus: how we stand before our fellow humans. The breakaway sessions continued with the theme. None of the speakers I saw needed gimmicks, and at no time did the speakers insult the intelligence of their audience.

As always, I am impressed with the overall philosophy of Higher Things. "The mission of Higher Things, Inc. is to assist parents, congregations, and pastors in cultivating and promoting a Lutheran identity among youth . . ." (which is taken directly from their website). I have attended a Synodical National Youth Gathering, and I have attended District Youth Gatherings. I know that Higher Things does not intend to deliberately compete with these things in their conferences, but as one who has attended such things, it's difficult not to make the comparison. You can't help but notice the difference in the philosophies behind those who are responsible for Higher Things and those who are responsible for the Synodical gatherings. The monthly mailings from the LCMS Youth Ministry Office are strewn with the results of surveys and "longitudinal studies" about "what youth want today" and "what youth are up to today" from George Barna and others. Their conference speakers are not always Lutherans, much less LCMS Lutherans. On the other hand, Higher Things urges you to "dare to be Lutheran". Everything about their conferences, their magazine, their organization, is unashamedly Lutheran.

The Higher Things staff and volunteers (CCVs) impressed me as well, from the top of the organization to the lowliest college student who volunteered their time. I admit that I've met a large number of the Higher Things staff before, and the Media Executive is a good friend. Even without those connections, one cannot help but be impressed by the commitment of the staff in putting together three consecutive conferences in three weeks. And for each of these conferences, a group of college students pays (if sufficient donations are not made) to volunteer their time to making sure the speakers have no technological issues and the youth don't spend too much time lost on a college campus. Of course, two of my adopted sisters were CCVs at the Bloomington conference, so I'm a little biased, but even the ones that I didn't spend a year with on vicarage were excellent.

I was also given the opportunity to appear on Higher Things Radio! Since my group of kids traveled with the group from Pastor Buetow's congregation, Bethel Luthern in DuQuoin, our groups did our nighttime prayers together. When the prayers were over, he said he was going down to record an episode of HT radio where they'd be doing an "Ask the Pastor" section, and he asked me to participate. Of course, now I know why God called me to the Office of the Ministry: to save me from my delusions that I'd have made a dynamic radio personality! Nevertheless, I had a great time doing it, even if I sounded like I've never spoken in public before. You can listen to that particular episode here.

All around, I was impressed with the kids who attended the conference—with a special mention of my own group from St. Peter Lutheran in Campbell Hill, IL. As I said, we traveled with a group from Bethel Lutheran Church in DuQuoin, IL. We also had a group with us from my vicarage congregation, Trinity Lutheran in Norborne, MO. So we already knew some of the kids who were attending. Of course, 20 kids in the sea of 1,200 kids isn't much. But watching how these kids from 25 states and 4 Canadian provinces came together, daring to be explicitly Lutheran . . . well, it was quite a sight to see. With few exceptions, the kids were well-behaved, respectful of the speakers and staff, and willing to jump right in and be a part of something bigger than themselves.

A couple personal highlights: (1) I met Dr. Lamb of Lutherans for Life, an organization determined to preserve human life at all stages. I shared with Dr. Lamb the text of my hymn "Before I Formed You in the Womb I Knew You", and he said to look for it in one of their future periodicals! (2) I was also reunited with three fellow alumni from my alma mater, Concordia Lutheran Theological Seminary in St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. I hadn't seen any of these gentlemen since I completed my course of studies eleven years ago, and it was nice to be reunited with them (and to meet their wives, two of whom I hadn't met before). (3) It was also a blessing to meet in person for the first time (and to be reunited with) friends from Facebook and other circles of friends.

WHAT I DISLIKED/DISAPPOINTMENTS

My biggest dislike in the whole of the Coram Deo experience—and the only one over which the Higher Things staff had any control—was the selection of the Stephen Starke hymn "We Praise You and Acknowledge You, O God" (LSB 941). It's a wonderful text—it's hard to screw up the Te Deum Laudamus, after all, and I'd love to see the text set to another tune, even if "Holy God, We Praise Thy Name" (LSB 940) is one of my favorite hymns—but the tune is Thaxted, which is the melody of the central section of the Jupiter movement of Gustav Holst's "The Planets". I believe that using that tune sends a bad message. We tell our young couples not to use Mendelssohn's Wedding March from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" or Wagner's Bridal Chorus from "Lohengrin" because of the context in which those pieces appear. By the same token, "The Planets" by Holst deals with the astrological and mythical significance of the planets. Whether or not the kids know the context of the music, it's inappropriate for a Christian hymn. It is, however, firmly embedded in Lutheran Service Book and is quite popular with the Higher Things crowd, especially since (If I remember correctly) it was the conference hymn for one of the past conferences, so I have no illusions that it will disappear from Higher Things any time soon.

Of course the Higher Things people have no control over this, but it was hellishly hot in Bloomington last week. It was in the high 90s all week, and I don't think it slipped below 80 until at least midnight. This polar bear nearly went extinct!

The whistles. Exhibitors always attend things like this, and for the most part I was pleased. One exhibitor, however, handed out whistles. Give a kid a whistle, and you know what he's going to do with it. Those whistles were a plague! 

I was ever-so-slightly disappointed in the organ playing. Of course, when you go in expecting to hear the great Chris Loemker, anyone else is going to be a letdown. But circumstances kept Chris away for most of the conference, so he was only available for one service. Dr. Eifert of Mt. Calvary Lutheran in San Antonio, TX, was an admirable substitute, though.

OVERALL

All in all, as I'm sure you can tell, I was very much impressed by the whole experience. Even with high expectations going in, I found those expectations surpassed. I arrived tired and spiritually run down. I departed exhausted and spiritually refreshed. (Yeah, you don't sleep a lot at these things.) If you are a kid, ask your parents and youth leaders and pastors if you can go. If you are a youth leader or pastor or parent, encourage your kids to go. Finally, here is a place where you don't have to be embarrassed to be a Lutheran. In fact, a Higher Things conference will encourage you to "Dare to be Lutheran"!

PARODY: Dare to Be Luth'ran

"Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most brilliant musicians and recording artists of all time.  (Contradict me.  I dare you.)  He has made a career of being what he calls "a pop culture Cuisinart"--someone who takes the best (and sometimes the worst) of pop culture and bends and shapes it in a way the original artist probably never imagined it could go.  I firmly believe he should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and I hope one of these days he will be.

I have now done something I always wanted to do: write a parody of the parody.  In this case, the original song is called "Dare to Be Stupid", which is a style-parody of the band Devo.  The parody of this parody is called "Dare to Be Luth'ran", which is the catchphrase used by Higher Things.  Pastor Buetow suggested this one; and though it has popped into my head itself from time to time, it was his not-so-subtle prompting that pushed this project into the forefront--even ahead of another hymn I'm working on at the moment.  I threw in as many "Christian" cliches as I could, and even gave a passing nod to the famous dreidel of Hannukah. Let me know what you think, and let me know if you find those things that are not really Lutheran.

Anyway, here it is.  Again, thank you to Higher Things for your wonderful work.  And thank you, "Weird Al", for inspiring a generation of parody.

Dare to Be Luth'ran

(to the tune of "Dare to Be Stupid" by "Weird Al" Yankovic)


Put down that dreidel and listen to me
It's time for us to walk in the light
It's time to let your children make their faith decision
It's time to hear the Word just right
So hold to baptismal regeneration
You better hold to Jesus all of your days
You better . . . kneel and pray . . . both night and day
You better force your heart to be ablaze

You better ask Jesus into your heart
Before you find the pit of hell
Stick your head in the Bible, kid, and memorize each part

Talk to your Savior
Read your catechism
Read HT reflections, dude
Now don't be rude
Dare to be Luth'ran
Hey--receive Communion
Look to serve your neighbor
Pray the daily office now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be Luth'ran

You can sing a bunch of hymns
Hide beneath the Father's wings
You can hang with other Luth'rans when they meet for Higher Things

Dare to be Luth'ran
Come on and dare to be Luth'ran
It's so easy to do (dare to be Luth'ran)
We're all praying for you.
Let's go


Your neighbor asks you, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
"I didn't know that He was lost."
There's no more time for giving Jesus your heart
Now let's check what an indulgence costs
Say your prayers, come to Jesus, give your ten percent
Make your altar call at the revival tent
And wear God's holy armor--it will not dent
Fast in Lent
You can dare to be Luth'ran

You can have a Jesus fish
On the bumper of your car
So when the rapture comes
The other drivers know just who you are
Dare to be Luth'ran.
Yes--why don't you dare to be Luth'ran?
It's so easy, so easy to do (dare to be Luth'ran)
We're all praying for you (dare to be Luth-ran)

Tie that millstone 'round your neck
Chop your hand off, lest you sin
You don't want to end up in "heck"


You can be a life-long believer
You can sit around the house
And listen to the deceiver
You are baptized, it's true
So what you gonna do?
Dare to be Luth'ran 
Dare to be Luth'ran 

What did I say? (dare to be Luth'ran)
Tell me, what did I say?  (dare to be Luth'ran)
It's alright  (dare to be Luth'ran)
We can be Luth'ran all night  (dare to be Luth'ran)
C'mon, join the crowd  (dare to be Luth'ran)
Shout it out loud  (dare to be Luth'ran)
I can't hear you  (dare to be Luth'ran)
Okay, I can hear you now  (dare to be Luth'ran)
Let's go. Dare to be Luth'ran (dare to be Luth'ran)
Dare to be Luth'ran (dare to be Luth'ran)
Dare to be Luth'ran (dare to be Luth'ran)
Dare to be Luth'ran (DARE TO BE LUTH'RAN!)


(c) Alan Kornacki, Jr. and "Weird Al" Yankovic
(I am currently in the process of seeking permission from Mr. Yankovic to use this parody.)