After a lengthy absence, here is my latest offering. Constructive criticism desired--especially in v.2.
O Lord, I Am Not Worthy
1. O Lord, I am not worthy
That You should come within,
For trespasses pervert me
And I am lost in sin.
You lead me to Your altar,
A beggar at Your feet,
But mired in shame I falter
And flee Your mercy seat.
2. Yet speak Your Word of favor,
And, lo, my soul is healed.
O Christ, You are my Savior.
In You is grace revealed.
You set the Feast before me--
Your body and Your blood.
You veil Your heav'nly glory
Within this earthly food.
3. This Supper gives forgiveness,
A truly bounteous meal.
Its benefits are endless--
The power hearts to heal,
Delivering salvation
To all God's children dear
From ev'ry tribe and nation
Who seek their pardon here.
4. O Lord, I am not worthy
That You should come within,
But speak Your Word unto me
And I am freed from sin.
I trust Your mercy solely
My soul and flesh to feed,
For You can make me holy,
My Lord and God indeed.
© Rev. Alan Kornacki, Jr.
76 76 D
Tune: LLANGLOFFAN (LSB 513)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
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2 comments:
Nice use of the centurion's faith to drive the point about Jesus coming into us through the Supper. I am loath to make any suggestion because your judgment will matter most in the end. I did notice that you have "my soul is healed" and "souls are healed" in stanzas 2 and 3, and it struck me that you could very easily change one or both to "heart(s)/healed" and have a bit of nice alliteration.
Don't be discouraged if anyone criticizes your use of "slant rhyme," of which I approve (though I get razzed for it myself), but on the other hand you might get away with not rhyming the odd-numbered lines at all. That might make your ideas flow more easily.
I thought about not rhyming lines 1 and 3, 5 and 7. But being a relative newbie in hymn-writing, I didn't want to shove convention aside. Maybe when I've released my own hymnal...*wink* But it would certainly free me up for more imagery. Maybe I'll rework this one.
I like the hearts/healed alliteration. Guess I've been a little sensitive to the charge of being schmaltzy.
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