Epistles from Exile: PARODY: Blogged Assurance

Saturday, February 21, 2015

PARODY: Blogged Assurance

After the recent exoneration of Dr. Matthew Becker, a blatant false teacher on the clergy roster of the Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod, a collective roar of disapproval rose up from the Bible-believing people of the LCMS. The Southern Illinois District in Convention voted to urge Dr. Becker to repentance and to urge his district president to begin or continue doing his duty as Becker's ecclesiastical supervisor to bring the false teacher to repentance.

The Council of Presidents, seeing the uproar from the congregations and clergy of the LCMS, released a "Statement of Assurance" regarding their role as ecclesiastical overseers.

Having seen the dark side of ecclesiastical oversight in my own experiences with certain district presidents and former district presidents, I don't find such assurances to be very reassuring. Their pleas to be mindful of the Eighth Commandment are heartfelt, I'm sure, though I've given up on receiving their aid in restoring my own reputation, which was heavily damaged with the help of at least one of their number. Anyway, as I read the statement, I found myself fighting the urge to make bold statements about its veracity and sincerity. I fought the urge and won, thankfully, but I could not defeat the urge to jest about the subject. With that in mind, here's my parody.

Blogged Assurance

(Parody to the tune of "Blessed Assurance")

1. Blog-ged assurance, statement divine!

The CoP says that everything's fine.

We're in agreement! We walk as one,

Sipping our Mai Tais in Southern sun.

(refrain) This is our statement! Hear what we say!